If somone says they want to know how you’re feeling….
…Then to be honest they’re lying!
Over the past few months myself and my partner have been going through some tough times, in fact since about May 2006 things have been increasingly difficult between us and finally I decided to tell him how I really felt.
What I had to say wasn’t nice, I still haven’t forgiven myself for hurting him, but I felt what was said had to be said.
In May 06, his mother died after a short illness and cutting a long story short it tore him up and I felt totally helpless as I watched him deal with his grief and turn from a generous warm person to someone who can be harsh and cold and insensitive to other peoples feelings.
So I told him this. I told him that I felt his mothers death had changed him. I finally told him how I really feel and he doesn’t like it and says he ‘doesn’t think he can forgive’ me.
So the short simple moral, no one likes to know how you really feel because it may well be something they don’t want to hear.
People want to be re-assured, people want an illusion of open communication and people don’t want to really know what’s on your mind for fear of being hurt.
Cynical? maybe. But everywhere I look these days all I seem to see are people hiding their true feelings in order to save someone else.
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But don’t you think if you really care about someone, you have to be honest? Perhaps the way to deal with it is to make an agreement that you and your loved one have the right at certain times, to say whatever you feel; the other one will listen, and not have to respond right away. No blaming, no arguing, just the opportunity to be truthful early enough so that your bad feelings don’t build until when you open the door they become a huge attacking force. (Two years is a LONG time for you to be resentful!) Sometimes, you’re the one who opens up, sometimes, your loved one is. Maybe you do it over instant messenger, or in writing, if it’s hard to do it in person. But honesty expressed in the long run should benefit both of you.