…Then to be honest they’re lying!

Over the past few months myself and my partner have been going through some tough times, in fact since about May 2006 things have been increasingly difficult between us and finally I decided to tell him how I really felt.

What I had to say wasn’t nice, I still haven’t forgiven myself for hurting him, but I felt what was said had to be said.

In May 06, his mother died after a short illness and cutting a long story short it tore him up and I felt totally helpless as I watched him deal with his grief and turn from a generous warm person to someone who can be harsh and cold and insensitive to other peoples feelings.

So I told him this. I told him that I felt his mothers death had changed him. I finally told him how I really feel and he doesn’t like it and says he ‘doesn’t think he can forgive’ me.

So the short simple moral, no one likes to know how you really feel because it may well be something they don’t want to hear.

People want to be re-assured, people want an illusion of open communication and people don’t want to really know what’s on your mind for fear of being hurt.

Cynical? maybe. But everywhere I look these days all I seem to see are people hiding their true feelings in order to save someone else.

I am a fan of Apple. There’s no doubt about that, previous postings prove that, but I’m not a great fan of the iPhone and here’s why.

The iPhone is a nice bit I kit, I don’t doubt that for a moment, but it only seems to be aimed at one market…the ‘I’m a hip young thing who gets my hair done at Toni and Guy, always wears black and think trendy is sitting in Starbucks all day while slagging them off for being corporate’ types

In other words those who like the latest gadets and who will dump them when the next big thing comes along.

Now I did toy with the idea of getting a iPhone, but a few things stopped me, firstly afore mentioned image (and my lack of it), secondly, I don’t want to be tied just to one network as the iPhone is with o2, thirdly, my big fat fingers on the touch screen and the fact that I never hit the right key first time and finally, it’s just too big.

So when I decided to go for a BlackBerry 8120 in a rather nice shade of red. And I have to say I am more than happy with it.

I have owned a BlackBerry before and was over the moon with it, but due to a few things when it came to getting my next phone I had to go back to something ‘normal’ so on Sunday on setting up my new berry, it felt like coming home in manner of speaking.

So what about the image of those who own BlackBerry’s. Well if your in the UK, it’s still very much the domain of the businessman or top flight journalist, it is without shame a business machine.

But if you go to the home of the BlackBerry, Canada, you will see a different side to the device, one which is very slowly creeping into the UK (and about time too)  and that is of a device for both business and social networking.

At the moment Rogers, a Canadian telecommunications company, are making a big thing of the BlackBerry’s accessibility to sites like MySpace and Facebook, everywhere you go on the Subways in Toronto there are adverts showing the BlackBerry and it’s social networking facilities.

And it looks as though it has been so successful that almost every teenager and adult across all social backgrounds and classes in Toronto (and across the rest of Canada, I’m sure) has a BlackBerry in their hand. Any other phone is a novelty to see.

So is the iPhone better? I honestly think not. To be honest if you turn up to a business meeting with a iPhone I don’t think you’ll be taken that seriously. But with a BlackBerry in your pocket, you’ll be taken seriously as a business person because you’ll be someone seen as always being contactable in any form and increasingly you’ll be seen as someone who takes their social networking seriously by having a good laugh with it.

As for me, that’s all very useful, but the clincher for me is it’s easy of use and the fact I can hit the right key first time, every time!

No I haven’t been sacked, but I am looking for a new job.

My two weeks in Toronto (of which I shall tell you more in another post) have taught me something, not just that I needed a holiday, but that I need to spread my wings and get a new job, get a job which can help me develop and hopefully get me work in Canada.

So I have started applying for work, I’m applying for anything that might interest me, anything that I think I may be able to do, anything as long as it earns me some decent money (I can’t afford a pay cut) and gets me some new skills.

I have already taken the first steps by joining the St John Ambulance, I will be taking my initial first aid course next week, I’ll obtain some new skills which I can transfer into any job, but more than anything it will show my willingness to learn, my willingness to take on a new challenge.

Who knows what will happen, all I know it that it will be a bumpy ride and there will be plenty of ups and downs, but it will be an adventure none the less.

What to say, it’s been a few days now, but I am really at a loss as what to write.

I have always found writing an organic process, if it happens great, but it’s something that can’t be forced because if you try it never quite comes out right.

I thought about trying to write a poem, but then I’m not a poetic person so it wouldn’t work, so then I thought about telling you about my vacation. The problem there however is that I haven’t taken it yet, but I will sure let you know when it happens and post some pictures of Toronto in wintertime in the process.

So in the meantime, if you have any ideas of what I can write about let me know, otherwise I’ll just keep thinking about it.

In the past month Apple launced the Mac Air…the lighter thai air notebook which they say will be the next big thing.

And yes very nice it is too, but that isn’t want really makes Apple successful, it’s the small things which have become indespensible in our every day lives which can be used on a PC I would love a Mac notebook, I just can’t afford one at the moment, so I own a PC laptop instead.

But for years I have owned an iPod in one form or another and play all my music on iTunes.

And to me this is what makes Apple really successful, the products which are portable, fun and useable on any computer regardless of platform or operating system.

Yes the Zune is out there, but lets face it everyone wants an iPod nano, an iPhone, a shuffle or an iPod Touch because it’s easy to use and it looks good!

So Apple don’t sweat the big stuff, stick with the small inovative stuff because what we want is the fun, cross platform products which intragrate into our everyday lives.

I am a gadget fan. I won’t deny it, when it comes to the latest gadget I usually want to get my hands on it even if it’s just to play.

So it was no surprise when yesterday I went into my local Apple store for a browse to walk out with a new iPod Touch.

Now do I need it…well no, but did I want it, yes of course, it has everything on it I could ever want to use from checking my e-mail at the top of a mountain (as long as the wi-fi gets that far of course) to playing music and downloading photos.

However it occured to me today that while it may be a nifty little device  which I will get many hours of use out of and  find very useful, it is also yet another device to make us think we are communicating with one another when we are simply finding another excuse not to actually talk to one another.

There is alot to be said for sitting down and talking and listening to one another and yet we seem to be losing that one things that makes us human.

Even this blog isn’t really really talking, it’s simply an internal monologue put out there into the aether which may well reach a few of you and which may well make you think, and yet I’m not actually verbalizing this to anyone.

Perhaps one day things will come full circle and we will begin to talk again…in the meantime I have an iPod Touch to play with!

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The former Chief Inspector of Prisons, Lord Ramsbottom today voiced his concerns over the building of three new prisons in England in an attempt to cope with the rapidly increasing prison population.

On GMTV’s The Sunday Programme, Lord Ramsbottom commented that rather than seeing more prisons being built we need to establish the exact cost of prison, reforming the current training agenda in prisons and making use of the prisons we already have.

The prison system in England and Wales is simply falling apart, but building new prisons and throwing more people inside isn’t the solution to me.

We should be looking at why people commit crime, what drives them to it, what do they gain from it and is that gain far bigger than any loss?

Much of the problem in many of our prisons is a lack of something to do. You can have a prison of over 500 men and yet only around 100 to 150 of them will actually be in work or education at any one time, leaving the rest to sit in their cells for 23 hours a day bored, festering and becoming increasingly resentful of society.

It’s not that prisoners don’t want to be doing something, the majority do, but the problem is simple, bad organization by individual prisons of their prisoner employment and education practices and no coherent national policy for anyone to work on.

So what is the answer? actually I don’t know, but I know it doesn’t come through building more prisons, by depriving more people of liberty, because without reason, there can be no rhyme and without rehabilitation we can never hope to have a civilized society

They say the art of the diarist is dead. No longer to people write diaries about the things happening in the world around them and no longer do they feel it relevant to reflect on their day.

But if the diary is dead then answer me this, what am I doing here? Am I not reflecting on the past? Musing over the future and writing about the things happening in the world around me?

The diary is not dead, it’s just changed its name by deed poll and given itself a whole new look.

The diary is dead…long live the blog!

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We are all in search of the meaning of life and we all think it has one answer.

But today while attending my weekly Quaker meeting, I realised something for the first time. There is no one meaning, the meaning of life is individual to each one of us.

We all have our own take on life and the way we do things and perhaps this is why we are in constant conflict with one another. We all think we are right.

And do you know something? we are all right, we just can’t agree on it.

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I have decided to give American Football refereeing a go.

When I embarked on my soccer referees career five years ago, I will admit that I was a typical player who didn’t actually understand the laws of the game, I thought I did, but until I sat down and took the course I realised that I knew nothing.

So I am going to try a bit of an experiment and see if I can learn a bit more about a sport by learning how to referee it.

I don’t expect to get far, but it will be interesting seeing how the process works and seeing if it can be done in some form.

Even if it only enhances my knowledge a small amount then I guess it will be a success, until then I won’t know.

Perhaps then I will ‘get’ the whole American Football thing and see why some people are to the point of obsessional about it.

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